Sunday, July 30, 2006
2:21 PM
Okay, so I know that this whole Kayla moving thing should be a good thing for me because it will allow me to venture out and make some new friends or become better friends with those who I kind of set aside last year. I mean, I met a lot of people but I don't ever remember hanging out with them. Mostly because I never did hang out with them. I was too busy having just as much fun with Kayla. I'm so used to waking up and talking to Kayla to see what we are going to do for the day that when she moves i'm afraid i'm going to be totally lost. She wants me to move to St. Louis with her. I know that that is a completely insane idea, but I can't help but really want to go. I would have such a good time with her and her friends and family and it wouldn't be too hard for me to adjust to that because I would have Kayla and her friends there. Not to mention, I could visit Steph whenever I wanted. But I just don't think that a) my parents would go for that or b) that that is really the best solution. I need to just face the fact that I can't go through life with someone by my side all the time. I need to just stand up and get over it. But its so hard. When I was little i had my parents or my neighbors to follow around, when I got a little older I was always with Ann, then in high school Holly and I were practically one person, and then in college Kayla and I were always together. I have always had someone there. Always. I don't even know what i'm going to do. I don't even know what I want to do. I told Kayla that if I don't make any friends by May, then i'll move to St. Louis with her. I don't think it will ever happen, but I doubt i'll make any friends either. I'm more likely to move to Kearney than St. Louis, but I hate running away from things. I just don't know if i want to be here anymore. anywhere.