Monday, September 11, 2006
9:02 PM
Okay, so after all the time I spent being upset that Kayla moved has turned out to be so worthless. I can't describe how much happier I've been since school's started. There were a lot of things that Kayla and I shared, we had similar problems and took out our frustrations in the same ways. She's the only person I've ever actually talked to about it. She's the only one that knew. And you would think that this would be a good way to stop and to change, but it wasn't. It only got worse. Much worse. The worst it's ever been. Then after she left it was ten times worse. I couldn't imagine what I was doing to myself, and yet there it was right in front of me.
The best part of it, though, is the fact that I'm so much better. I feel really bad though, because in my path to recovery, i've hurt people. Maggie, Holly, Ann, Steph, I was so unhappy with my life that I took it out on other people when I couldn't take it out on myself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that that's what it took to help me get to where I am. If I could change it I would, but I am so excited that I don't just sit around thinking about how miserable I am. It's so great. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Maybe now I can make something of my life instead of wishing it wasn't there. It may sound stupid, but it's like now I can find things to live for, things to enjoy. I'm starting to take advantage of the things that I have. I'm not done getting better, but I know that I can get there.