Thursday, October 12, 2006
7:11 PM
Home is where the heart is. A simple statement that can complicate itself whether you really want it to or not. My heart certainly isn't in Lincoln right now. It's not in my cold apartment. It's not in my classes. It sure as Hell isn't at work. But is my heart in Loup City? No, I don't believe so. The only thing in LC for me right now are my parents. Occasionally I get to go home and sometimes my friends are there and I get that illusion of 'home' but it wont really be home for me ever again. I know where my heart is. I wish it wasn't where it is but nonetheless it's there. For a while this summer, I thought that my heart was back in Schramm 922. It was throwing a green squishy ball on the celing to see how long it will stick there before falling back into my hands. It was having a Ramen Noodle Seasoning Packet War behind a fort of pillows and blankets. It was sneaking the most adorable hamster in the world up to your dorm room in a laundry basket. It was spending an ENTIRE day watching America's Next Top Model because Tyra is amazing. It was there. A small part of it probably still is. I can still smell the dorms sometimes. Granted, it wasn't a great smell, but it was ours. I miss it so much. And now my heart seems to have moved on. But to maybe a worse place than Schramm. I know that this new residence isn't really home for my heart. I wish it would be someday, but it won't. I just wish I could find a nice, warm, safe place for it. Somewhere where it won't get hurt. Somewhere where it is wanted, cared about.
Tomorrow I go 'home.' I just hope I can find what i'm looking for.
P.S. I ran into a door today. It hurt. There's a bump. I feel pretty stupid. Yup. Pretty Stupid.