Thursday, December 07, 2006
10:44 PM
-I think I may be having a wee bit of a mid-life crisis. I have totally given up on choosing a major. I just want to major in "Marriage." As Anti-Feminist as that sounds (and is, i guess) I'm terrified that I'll be the one that never gets married. Two of my friends are engaged. With rings and everything. How scary. I always act so shocked when Ann tells me that the girls at Bethel are pretty much there to get married, and now, when people that I know are starting to find the one's they (may or may not) be with forever, i'm just standing by watching. Imagining what I want my wedding dress to look like and what colors I want. And you better believe that I already know. I'd get married in fall. Dark Plum and Cream would be my colors. My dress is Lace. Off the shoulder. 3/4 length sleeves. Silk roughed waist just under the bust. Tied with a dark plum ribbon. It's beautiful.
-It's not that I don't want to do great things with my life. It would just be a lot easier to choose a career if I knew whether I'd have to go at it alone, or if i'll have a teammate who's there to bring home the bacon. I don't want to be strapped down to the house as a baby-maker by any means, heck, as of right now, I can't really see myself having children. I would imagine that will change someday, just not right now.
-I miss Tall Boy. I liked the way he walked me home. I liked the way he made me feel incredibly short. I haven't seen him all year. I'd never been walked home before and it was nice. That's all I want, I suppose. I just want a boy. A boy to walk me home. A boy to tell me that everything is going to be okay. To leave me notes. To teach me things. To tell my secrets to. Too bad Dave lives in STL. He seems like a nice guy. Everything lives in St. Louis. Steph. Kayla. Dave. Even Jesse fucking Laney. I really resent St. Louis, actually. I hate it. With a passion. Fuck your arch. Nique ta Arch. (We learned how to cuss in French today-it was AMAZING!)
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-In other news, i've begun a new art project. It will be entitled, 'Oz.' It's a Mixed Media. My first, actually. Right now, i'm a little dissappointed in one particular spot. But i'll just have to work with it. I'm going to make it with Photoshop and Illustrator after I finish the hard copy of it. Doing things with actual charcoal, paints, prisma colors, and sumi ink, really make me appreciate the computer and how incredibly easy it is to create art. And how easy it is to fix your fuck ups. I have a lot to learn about it yet, but after christmas i'm going to buy some books and learn some new things. I'm also going to get a book on HTML. I already have one picked out. I want to learn how to make my own templates, but I don't understand HTML and the one I have picked out seems to talk about it to a detail that I can understand but not get too in depth with. It looks like a good one.
-Well, I suppose, I should probably mosey on off to bed. I stayed up until 3:30 am yesterday because I finally tuned my guitar for the first time in a year and it sounded so good, that, naturally, I had to play a little. Kind of makes me want to play a little now, but I musn't. I Instead i'm going to have some pineapple and go to bed. So, I would like to congratulate all my friends out there with their new engagements and would like to thank everyone else for putting up with my rants!