hhhmmmmmmm.............well, i don't feel good. just about stuff. in general. i told my mom i wasnt feeling good. she talks to me differently now. in a cautious type of way. its easier but weird. very weird. i'm very lonely today. i shouldn't be. not only did i get to see meghan today, but i got to see steph, too. it was great. i wish we would have had a little more time. i dont think it helps that i went wedding dress shopping with meghan today. dont get me wrong, i had a lot of fun and she tried on some beautiful dresses but i've never felt so...single. and i realized that valentines day is coming. again. single. and this boy that i like, i think he has a date. and she's pretty. oh well. he's just a boy. life goes on i suppose. i just hate feeling left behind. it just makes me wonder what i'm doing wrong. maybe i need to just move. out of the state. just go far away and forget. its not like i have anything to lose in lincoln. i'm bad at my job, bad at school, bad w/ friends and people, and no one would miss me. sure, i'd miss high school friends but i'd see them just as often as i do living in nebraska. i just want to forget you. i miss you. and i dont want to. i either want you or i want to forget you. no i dont. thats a lie. you're my best friend. i look forward to our talks, i enjoy your company, i mean, its you. and you know it. and you dont care. or you just dont know how to deal with it. either way it sucks. anyway enough whining. i need to just get over it. just deal. why cant i just deal? like normal people. why do i constantly worry about what other people think. or worry about work. or school. or my friends. or my family. my life. i'm such a nerd. okay, i'm off to bed now. its been a busy day, i guess.

i'm far too lazy to put links up. you know where to find me.

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