Monday, October 27, 2008
6:54 PM
Well..what's to say? A lot, I suppose. Yeah, an aweful lot. But do I really want to talk about it? Not really. Let's just cut to the facts, yes? Ok, welp, my dad died. In fact, tomorrow it will have been one month. It feels like it's been an eternity. I miss him so much. It's just something that you don't really fully understand until it happens to you. Part of my life died with him. School sucks. I had to drop two classes and I'm falling more and more behind in the classes I have left with each new assignment or project or test. I guess it was just a really shitty time for all of this to happen. I'm supposed to be getting married in a year and becoming my own unit with Gary, and I can't help but feel more and more helpless. I love Gary with all my heart but everyday I'm terrified that something will happen to him and i'll lose yet another man in my life. Gary and my father were the most important people in my life. Gary even understood when I told him that I loved him and my father the same even though he told me he loves me more than anyone else. He just understands how important he was to me. And now, having my father gone, what happens if I lose Gary, too? I really don't know what I would do with myself. So instead of looking forward to each day, i'm terrified every morning that I wake up because I never know when it will be the last day i'll see him or my mom or my brother, or anyone for that matter. So, here I am, stuck in school for who knows how many more semesters and scared to death.